i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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