cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
