I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
