i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
