I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize