your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
