Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
