i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
