im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
