If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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