We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
