So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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