you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Houston, we have a blender
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
