Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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