You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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