Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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