your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
