I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
