I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
