i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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