very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
