You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
