You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
