I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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