So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize