I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
