I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
