My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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