i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
