note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
