at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize