Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
