what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the day after is always just damage control
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
