come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
