Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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