Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
