you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
