So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
