Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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