My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
