i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Even my vagina gasped.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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