I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
