there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize