I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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