I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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