im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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