Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My bed smells like the plague
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
