somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
