The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
