You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
