Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
