your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
