I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
