fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
