If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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