I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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