And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
