youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
