my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
