I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my mouth tastes like poor choices
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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