How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
