the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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