he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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