my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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