just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
