my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
