Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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