32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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