some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
